Sometimes I work myself up about what I think might happen that–while I’m not paralyzed by fear–I have enough indecision to make forward progress difficult.
I am amazing at reading reviews of products I think I want, so much so that reading the reviews becomes the thing rather than actually purchasing the thing.
This winter has been dreadful in terms of being able to navigate with a baby. I tend to wear E in a LilleBaby soft-structured carrier most days, which at least makes getting around somewhat easier. Twice I’ve taken a stroller. The first time left me crying all the way home because I could not get it up the icy/snow sidewalks and had to walk in the street. It was terrifying.
That first incident essentially was enough for me not to use my stroller ever again, or at least until the snow banks melted. I am fantastic at avoiding sources of stress, I’ve found. Another confession: I love getting my haircut. Some think I don’t have enough hair to have it cut as regularly as my bi-monthly visits warrant, but I love my barber and how I feel after I’ve gotten a fresh cut. I view these visits as my own type of self-care.
Because I couldn’t take the stroller, though, I had limited my ability to get my haircut. Fast forward a few weeks: the edges grew a bit more uneven, my hair seemed to grow down my back (though it was probably about a half inch; it felt much longer considering I’ve always kept it super short for the last twenty years or more). I didn’t feel great, wore my winter hat a bit longer than necessary once inside buildings.
Finally, yesterday, I decided that I was going to see my barber. I took E in his stroller, and we left our house early enough this morning that, while we still had to walk in the street, there was minimal traffic. I also made a plan b: if the stroller couldn’t move through the ice and snow, I had my LilleBaby and could always wear him and fold up the stroller and carry it (because it has a handy carrying strap–such conveniences). Just having a contingency plan seemed to give me enough courage to try.
The stroller handled wonderfully. I arrived at my appointment ten minutes early. My barber cut my hair and trimmed down the newest gray hairs that have sprung up in the last nine months since E arrived (though I wasn’t insistent like I’ve been in the past; I’m quite proud of them now). We even got to walk around in Boston a bit on the sidewalks that had been cleared. The sun never felt better; perhaps because walking in it is so hard-earned after this long winter?
I have avoided taking the stroller on the bus, too, because I worry that I won’t know what to do and will hold everyone up (once I started confessing, I’ve found it hard to stop). I was tired today after my haircut; we took the bus. It was easy peasy. Then, when we got off the train and walked home, the sidewalks were still icy, but I might have skipped a bit here and there as the snow banks and paths didn’t seem as impassable as before.
Rookie Mom victory: I did a hard thing today, and that thing felt great.